Memorial Day

Today we remember those who have paid the ultimate price for their country and for freedom. Generations of men have gone into battle and not come home. And our country is as great as it is today because of them. The bravery exhibited by those heroes and the ones who made it home is almost unfathomable to me as I sit in the airconditioning of my own home. I think of the Revolution, the Civil War, WWI and WWII, Korea and Vietnam and Gulf Storm. Those are in the past but yet the fight for freedom continues. Almost every day, we have heroes dying in battle in the desert on the other side of the world. They fight an enemy that isn't defined by a country's boundaries or defined by imperialism. Instead, they fight an enemy who seemingly does what they do in the name of god. That isn't my God. I believe whole heartedly that our heroes are doing important work and it will be seen for certain generations from now when we Lord willing no longer have to worry about islamic extremist thanks to these heroes.

To quote General Patton "I want you to remember, no bastard ever won a war dying for his country, you win a war by making the other bastard die for HIS country."

Finally I want to relay something very poignant.
Yesterday in church, the pastor played a video of Sullivan Ballou's letter to his wife during the Civil War knowing he might not make it home. The deep love he has for the Union and America and his love for his wife is incredible. I can only imagine how many times she read this letter for the rest of her life.

July 14, 1861
Camp Clark, Washington

My very dear Sarah:
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days—perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more . . .

I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans on the triumph of the Government and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and sufferings of the Revolution. And I am willing—perfectly willing—to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt . . .

Sarah my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me unresistibly on with all these chains to the battle field.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them for so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together, and seen our sons grown up to honorable manhood, around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me—perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar, that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battle field, it will whisper your name. Forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often times been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness . . .

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the gladdest days and in the darkest nights . . . always, always, and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath, as the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again . . .

Sullivan Ballou was killed a week later at the first Battle of Bull Run, July 21, 1861.

Born March 28, 1829 in Smithfield, R.I., Ballou was educated at Phillips Academy in Andover, Mass.; Brown University in Providence, R.I. and the National Law School in Ballston, N.Y. He was admitted to the Rhode Island Bar in 1853.

Ballou devoted his brief life to public service. He was elected in 1854 as clerk of the Rhode Island House of Representatives, later serving as its speaker.
He married Sarah Hart Shumway on October 15, 1855, and the following year saw the birth of their first child, Edgar. A second son, William, was born in 1859.
Ballou immediately entered the military in 1861 after the war broke out. He became judge advocate of the Rhode Island militia and was 32 at the time of his death at the first Battle of Bull Run on July 21, 1861.

When he died, his wife was 24. She later moved to New Jersey to live out her life with her son, William, and never re-married. She died at age 80 in 1917.
Sullivan and Sarah Ballou are buried next to each other at Swan Point Cemetery in Providence, RI. There are no known living descendants.

Ironically, Sullivan Ballou’s letter was never mailed. Although Sarah would receive other, decidedly more upbeat letters, dated after the now-famous letter from the battlefield, the letter in question would be found among Sullivan Ballou’s effects when Gov. William Sprague of Rhode Island traveled to Virginia to retrieve the remains of his state’s sons who had fallen in battle.

thoughts

My blog is a real bore and I'm totally to blame. I'm going to try to post at least a few times a month. I have really slacked on writing and I can say the same for my own personal journal. Apparently I don't have any thoughts to share..... I don't actually think that's true. I have lots of thoughts to share but sometimes they might not be appropriate for a public forum. And sometimes writing in my personal journal makes my thoughts and feelings more real and from time to time that can scare me so I avoid. Perhaps it is also that I think my life is fairly boring at this time, but alas, the grass is always greener.....
I have had a lot on my mind lately. Especially when I had the "thrill" of spending lots of time alone laid up at home because of an injury.
One of the things on my mind and heart is I'm trying to learn to live one day at a time and not worry about what may or may not happen in the future. I trust God that He's got it under control and I'm just trying to let Him guide my steps, all the while just living today like I feel He wants me to. Trying desperately not to compare myself to others and what is transpiring in their lives vs. what is or isn't transpiring in mine. Also I'm constantly battling on not being disappointed with unfulfilled dreams yet work not to give up on them OR cling to them unreasonably. God is telling a story. He is very good with stories.